I haven’t spent many saturdays (or weekends at all) for that matter with my kids since before school let out last spring.  Yesterday (saturday) I spent the morning with the Brown’s (see abby and greg’s wedding below) at the Alexa Brown Memorial 5K in Clyde.  I love when I get to spend time with them and their family and friends – they make me feel good about who I am and lift me up.  They are a great example of why we are on this earth.  I came home and spent the afternoon with my kiddos – Domino Rally was on tap for a few hours (and now that they are all over the house, I suppose today, too). 

Talking with a photographer friend of mine the other day about some frustrations and she directed me to a project she and others have been working on and I kind of had a “duh” moment – when was the last time I just took photographs of my kids being kids? Just playing, and “doing” and “being”?  So I did. I used to, and got caught up in all the other stuff I’m doing and I havent in forever.  I will treasure these and vow to do it more often.  These are how I remember my saturday afternoons as a kid.

I was trying to build a lengthly domino trail for Evan and I kept knocking it down (they don’t put lens IS in dominos, so my lack of steadiness did not get the job done!) and the conversation was as follows:

Me: Evan, I’m sorry. I just cannot get it to balance.

Evan: Mom, here. Read the directions.

Well, that’s the answer when you’re four.

Cant get life to balance? Read the directions. 

Not the paper directions, but listen to a friend, your instincts, get back to basics.  Keep the dominoes up in every aspect – work, home, family, personal time.  When one falls down, it kinda’ makes everything else lose it’s stability.

xo

dani

I officially hit the two week mark with this one I try to have newborns hosted within seven days.  I now have time, space, and quiet – and my pc that my hubbster had built for me two years ago just took a royal dump on my celebration.  It’s been acting slow and funky for the last two weeks or so and finally yesterday it really went “wrong” – all the diagnostics in the world can’t seem to fix it – so I have a new one being built that I should have no later than the end of the week :-/  Adding more hours to my work week I can do, but without the tools, I have no options other than to apologize and wait patiently.  I suppose the timing is never good, however the week before a wedding when I prefer to have all of my editing and ordering and emailing documents all caught up isn’t really my first choice of “when”.

I think I have to be gently reminded that I am not always in control here, and I’m not the only photographer this has happened to and certainly not the last.  I never keep images on my computer so that has never been a worry for me, however it stinks anyway.  Not just for me, but for those who are waiting. I’m going with a 6 core over my current 4 core processor and going to a newer OS so I can support more RAM than the two sticks I have – so I suppose, as one of my computer boys said, the only upside is I get an even faster machine out of the deal (and a bit less in my bank account, teehee).

I also wanted to share a few from an engagement session from back in May – Meet Sarah + Josh!  Their wedding is at the end of August of this year.  They both have such a neat chemistry and a level of comfort around eachother that is so sweet, I just love it when couples can be themselves and let who they are together really shine <3 Their wedding portraits, I have a feeling, will be very telling because their connection is so obvoius and rich.

Upward and onward, I thank you in advance for your patience and know that I will be here dilligently upon the arrival of my new machine, getting your items requested/ordered/expected, to you as promptly as possible!

xo

dani

All of a sudden this surgery wasn’t about me or my rotten appendix or recovery or anything, it was about the whole fear of not coming out of it and my then two year old growing up without me.  Fears aside, it was happening and was over with and I was okay. 

I was told two weeks off work.  At that time it was decided I would end up staying home to raise Kate – that the option was feasible for us.  I didn’t realize how much I’d missed of her life when I worked outside the home and was grateful to spend a few months at home with her before she started preschool in the fall.  I am grateful for those days as I know how many who cannot have this opportunity would love it, and I didn’t/don’t take it for granted, either.

Things got weird though when I became pregnant with our son, Evan, at the end of the year. I had an incredibly complicated pregnancy which threatened both myself and my son for months, and right up until after delivery.  Feeling close to death or really thinking that it is knocking at your door changes something in a person; when your mind has had to lay there and accept the fact that things are not going how they “should” and that the end result may not be pretty, it does something to your soul.  When I finally came home from the hospital and was able to brush my teeth without a problem (don’t ask) I felt like I’d been given a second chance.  But it wasn’t a normal “second chance” feeling, it was fearsome.  I felt like I had to focus on a goal, a dream, a something – and accomplish it as fast as I could. I became obsessed with learning how to achieve my goal, how to make it happen, and how to become like the people I looked up to.

Photography was always a hobby, but now I felt like I had limited time to my life – so I had to hurry up and go somewhere. I decided I would learn further my craft (what a concept – learning it before opening a business).  Unfortunately I know now that this was an escape from dealing with my feelings on what I’d  describle as a rollercoaster through hell.    I thought over the last almost four years that I had this shit figured out – I’d work from home, be there with my kids, it’d all be lovely.

Well as it turns out, I’m not always right (smile) and I had to learn to deal with what my pregnancy with Evan did to me.  To this day, going on his fourth birthday, I still have health problems related to it and it’s a constant reminder. Moral? You really cant run from things – at some point, you just have to deal with them then and there.  Chasing this dream didn’t erase my fears or my heartache.

But it did give me something I didn’t know I had.

Magic Powers.

Okay, not really. But it gave me something to give to others.  I’m still not perfect at it, and I’ll sit here at this dumb computer and erase an hours worth of work because I notice things that only other’s in my field would.  However maybe that is the point – I stopped reading most of the photographers blogs that I used to because they made me feel inferior. But why? I was setting out to be myself and I don’t need to be like them, I just need to be me.  If the next professional wouldn’t have done it that way, then maybe they would have had it more technically correct but lacked creativity and emotion – I don’t know, I just don’t care.  Let’s not take that as I don’t value some constructive criticism because I do and that is how I grow.

I even went through a time recently where I went ballistic in my own mind over the fact there are a million of  ”photographers” in my town with little to no correctness in their photographs selling discs for fifty dollars, session included. I cant compete with that and I do not know how they stay in business. They can shoot weddings and let others trust them with their precious day with one camera and no backup equipment and no idea how to expose a low light situation, and then will criticize me for charging too much. If they only knew the costs that are associated with ONE wedding!  My obsession with detail and the time I spent consuming myself with it – was it worth it when people don’t care about the outcome of their images?  Then the stupid brick hit me – yes it matters, because I work hard and am worth it – and it’s okay to give yourself a high-five every now and then.  Obviously it was worth it because the people I am working for value it or they wouldn’t hire me. I just needed to focus on that, and work hard for THEM, not other people’s clients.  But whatever I do, it has to be important enough to my clients and myself to spend the time away from my family.

So I’ve spent a few years giving to others these gifts they are thankful for. I’ve learned how to make a contribution to my household financially with something that I love. Great. But at the end of the day, this job isn’t about money.  If the insurance, equipment, and other BS I have to pay for didn’t exist, I’d do it for free. All day every day. Because I love it that much.

And you have to love what you do.

But I also love being a mom.

And part of me has gotten off that path.

“One minute” “I’m almost done” “Just a second”  “not right now “  “I’ll be right back”

My poor beautiful children, whom I fought to bring into this world, have been hearing those STUPID phrases for too long.  This glorious work from home BS? Not so glorious. Even though I’m only supposed to be working on days my husband is on his 48 and here with my kids -what does that do for my husband and i when I have to pack in hours in my house cramped in a dark room? Nothing.  When what could be 5 very productive hours of work is interrupted by every 15 minutes of “wahhh!” – then that five hours actually amounts to an hours of work accomplished.

It’s not fair to my children, to me, or my clients who get stuck waiting forever for stuff because doing this from home isn’t working any more.

If I’m downstairs at night with my kids, I can feel myself trying to stop my legs from hurling myself up the stairs to work for just 15 minutes.  I can’t keep up with the household things because I’m so consumed knowing my work exists in my home.  I get angry when no one realises I do the work of more than one person, I’m the photographer – the accountant (which I blow at btw, thanks for my husband being there), the office manager, the editor, the assistant – I am all of these things and to say I work over 40 hours a week is an understatement, but one that in this era, I am blessed to have.

So what to do? How to make this right for everyone?  How to get through my upcoming July where I only have one Saturday without a wedding, and still turn images out on time?  There is no reason a client cant have a collection of 700 wedding images retouched and turned out in a week.  There is really no other reason if the time is there to work on them.

Uninterrupted.

Outside the home.

I’ve been grappling with this because I always told myself, mother first, working woman second. But I’m coming to realize that if I stay here where I think I am doing them good, then I am sadly mistaken.

It’s time to get back outside. To come home to open arms, to watch TV with them at night before bed, to sit with them while they snack, to not feel I have to hurry them to bed so I can work from 9pm to 2am and then try to get up and get back at it when Kate gets on the bus. No more.

I’m moving into a loft downtown at the end of this month.  Our plans are to build onto our garage a new building that will house a newborn studio, office space for Christi and I, and a place that is home, but not in my home. A place where the lights go out and the door closes and I am done for the day.  So that my home, my husband, and my children have a wife and a mother who is not so consumed with everyone else when she should be consumed with them.

The loft is temporary, and just office space,  shooting will stay the same for me right now =)  But will allow me to say that I’m working for six hours and actually work for six hours straight.  It will give my clients a faster turn around, an enhanced experience.  It will give my family, a mom who comes home and IS one.

I respect moms of all kinds, work in  the home, work outside of it -or manage the household – they are all tremendous ridiculously strenuous jobs!  But this one, Danielle – she’s got to make a change.

For them.

Here’s to being a better mom and a better businesswoman.  I’m nervous to make this change, but I share this to show that I am human, too – and that I will go to any length, for anyone – and fuss over every detail until it’s right.

Here’s to my largest wedding season yet. serving my long time clients as well as new ones – quicker and more efficiently. Here’s to earning and keeping their respect.

Here’s to all the mom’s who struggle with the decisions daily, or chase dreams for the wrong (or right) reasons – who make them happen and can admit they could have done better – or who can pat themselves on the back when the job is well done.

Here’s to anyone who’s ever been so sick they couldn’t get over the fact that they were alright when they were cured or relieved of their ailment - that the nightmare was over – and chased life down faster than the speed of light…

… and to those who are not okay, still chasing it down anyway.

Here’s to being outside.

I am so proud to say that I am no where near being done learning.

Love you all!

xo

dani

I am 100% not a fan of Valentine’s Day.  I kind of feel like it’s silly to pick one day out of the year to send flowers or say “I love You” a bit extra.

We should show our passion to our loved ones EVERY day, and add the extra fun stuff on ANY ordinary day.   My cousin said it best, that she would rather get flowers any day rather than the day every other woman in America gets them.

BUT, like a lot of my readers – I have kids, and young ones.  These holidays are a big deal to them so I try to make it special.  School hypes them up with parties and candy, and then they come home to cupcakes and a little treat from Dad and I.

That’s the magic of these little Hallmark Holidays – an extra excuse to have the kids bounce off the walls in delight, and make cupcakes.

Anything for an extra chance to use sprinkles and make something fun and froofy (and since I AM the cupcake master, really delicious!) =)

I wonder what the drywall finishers in the house thought of me taking photos of cupcakes? TeeHee..

xo

dani

 Little Baby G. has been set to head this blog post, and inserting the portrait is as far as I got for almost a week now. Eek!

Happy (belated) New Year, everyone!

I suppose there would be a belated “Merry Christmas” in here, too.  Things just got away from me and I just haven’t had the chance.

Word on Wednesday will make a return. I miss doing it.

A new wedding website is debuting soon (off track from the Jan. 1 launch, but what can I say other than the above about things getting away from me).

Family sessions will be moving to Mini Sessions only and during October.

Lot’s of other things to come. And I really mean it, I’m really going to blog it all. Swear.

xo

dani

So sweet, content, easy to work with was little M.  We did her portraits at Auntie B’s house becuase mom loves all of her furnishings – they worked out, too =)

Mom and Auntie B. are sisters that I grew up with in my childhood neighborhood. We moved when I was 11 but I have some of the best  memories with them!  Obviously there were more than I’d realized as I kept spouting them off (sorry mom and dad, if that got annoying… hehe!).

I have to kind of keep things moving here, expect one more post before Christmas then DLP will be on a few weeks hiatus (you know, the one that is supposed to happen in december but NEVER does?!)  Lots to tell you, coming up… that’s for sure.

Enjoy your very first Christmas with your new little love, A. family <3

xo

dani

ps: i know word on wed. has been absent – i just cannot keep up. project resuming, have no fear!

My choice for “grateful” was my family.  I have this image framed in my house and have little wooden people that represent the four of us that sit on top.  I love it <3

Cindy, Alicia, and Christi sent in adorrrrrable images of the kids theyare grateful for.  Alicia wrote to me, how grateful she was that her two oldest can wrestle and play around, and no matter what (i.e. who gets hurt in the process!) they are always buddies at the end.

I dont know about you all but I am a mix of somber and cheer around the holidays.  I love, love spending time with my family and enjoying the cozy indoors.  But I am also the queen of empathy and constantly have on my mind those who are without.  I cannot imagine not having a family to visit with, food to eat, or a roof over my head.  I do not like to think of others being lonely, or hungry (not that anyone does) but it re-visits my head when I am at the store picking out toys or other things for Christmas… do I need to overload my children?  What other child would be happy to have just one of these toys? 

Always remain grateful and aware of those around you… but put your full heart into enjoying what you have <3

This weeks participants: Cindy, Alicia, and Christi

Next weeks word (might be more of a thinker!) :

Immerse

xo

dani

 word on wednesday is an ongoing project challenging photographers and non-photographers alike to take the given word and find representation or inspiration for a photograph with it. there is no right or wrong, it just “is”.  the goal with this project is to show ways we all can hear or see the same thing (word in this case) and have it mean many different things; to represent the colorfulness of the human mind and it’s ability to choose for itself.  submissions should be sent by 6:00pm ET on tuesdays

Lots to do, lots to do.

Wedding weekend this weekend (YAY!).  I’ve only got oh… 9 different galleries to host by friday morning.  No stress! =)

It was obviously a busy last week with every make-up on the books and lots of next years wedding couples scheduling their sessions for late fall.  I am a bit tired, but not sure what that has to say for someone who’s up at 1:45 am and has to do reading group to a bunch of 1st graders in the morning… hmm!

The first two images are two girls I’ve known for a little while now, and one of the very first I ever photographed.  Littlest C. was under one year old at the time!  Oldest sister E. went to pre-school with my daughter and they were cute buddies together.  I always enjoyed their mother’s company, but as our girls went to different schools – we didn’t get to see eachother much.  It was crazy refreshing to see Mom and how much her beautiful, amazing daughters have grown up.

Baby B. is turning ONE here soon.  His session came in with some family portraits as well – dad was overseas when B. was born, serving our country.  These were their first family portraits and I decided to let them view them first before blogging them.  Thank you, Kyle – for your service to our country and for all of the sacrifices you made on our behalf.  Thanks also to technology; Kyle was even able to be “in the room” when little B. was born via computer connection.  I know very few military men and women but I admire each and every one of you who work so hard to maintain a family unit.  I cannot imagine what you go through, but I thank you.  B.’s mom was there for me at a challenging time in my life when I was in college, and I don’t know that I ever thanked her appropriately, but maybe only how I knew how to at the time. I hope she knows I am grateful. She’s a tough cookie, too.

Lastly, Jenny + Mitch.  I’ve known Jenny since… ohh…. well, our dads played softball together since I know for sure I was in diapers so I’m guessing it just goes back that far.  Our parents were friends growing up and we spent many a nights at eachothers houses while our parents would enjoy “wing nights”.  There was a lot of insane karaoke, hair-doing, and crazyness between Jenny, her brother, and my brother and myself (and a few others!) for years.  Then we all grew up (she’s a DOCTOR now!) and had our own activities to keep up with and life just happened.  I’ve had a lot of jobs or even just run-in’s with long lost child hood/high school/college friends and lately, they have just been such a pick-me-up.

Our lives may have went on in bewteen the times that we were in touch on a more regular basis…

…but it is always so cool to meet up with the people who, in one way or another, shaped who you became.

xo

dani

“Those” front teeth are on their way in.  I can feel the profit margin for the orthodontist going up already… and those SILLY BANDS! Whod’a thought… and animal bracelet that doesn’t look like an animal when worn, is all the rage.

Having this time off with my children has made me realize so much.  I needed this.  Maybe I’ll explain sometime.  I have so many sessions to blog, two to finish up, and two coming up.  I’ve really, really cut back this year and I think it was the best thing I could have done.  I have really, really missed being a Mom.

Happy Schools-out-for-summer to you and yours.

xo

dani

I took an extra-long walk today to absorb some much needed vitamin D and on the way back, met up with my husband and son who were on their own excursion on E.’s push trike (note: best invention ever).  E. happened to see this little teeny weeny flower on the side of the sidewalk, in a patch of grass, all alone. No others, but it’s really pretty and he picked it very carefully squeeling with delight over how much his sister was going to love it.  I couldn’t resist a quick snapshot of it gently sitting in a water-filled ramekin (vase of choice by my six year old daughter).

It might not be spring and the weather might not be staying, but here’s to hoping and enjoying the little bits along the way!

There’s a bitty newborn on the schedule for tomorow, and two other little precious’ by saturday.  So, here’s to also hoping this rain holds off for a while!

I hope (not to overuse the word “hope” or anything” that you all were able to enjoy this gorgeous day!

xo

dani